Memoirs: Oh, Evolve. (and why Dolphins are winning)

I had a bumper sticker that said that once. Oh, Evolve. I was so sad when I sold that car. I need another one. Except, I didn't have road rage then, so it worked--now they might be like YOU evolve, meanie!

So I was thinking about evolving and what that really means for humans. We came down from the trees. Check. Of course Douglas Adams says in HHG2G that has been widely regarded as a bad move. We developed brains over brawn. Check. We shed a lot of the body hair since we could build things and live inside them, Check. (and thanks GOODNESS for this, honestly). We had an "Industrial Revolution." Check. Idk what to say on this except if we think that was a revolution, well, we might as well still be in the trees. We developed technology--sort of. Check. Douglas Adams mentions that we do still think digital watches are a pretty neat idea. And we now have neuro-linguistics, psychology, and self-help. I can't say that's an evolution since it's in response mostly to the stress caused by the Industrial Revolution and Technology, but, anyways, we have it. Check.

So, is this evolving? Let's take a moment and observe Dolphins. First off, their brains are bigger than ours, though we have decided that the ratio of body size to brain size is MOST important! We have a lot of evidence for this. I am lying. We do not. We just made this up for our egos because it's the only brain size number that makes us come out above rats, dolphins, and elephants. But "scientists" say that dolphins do have more "wrinkles" in their brains. This means they could have the capacity for more intelligence than us because that leaves more room for neural networks and cognitive structures. Scientists know this, not because of the blatantly obvious idea that if there's more surface area for neurons to grow, there could be actually more neurons there, but because someone actually looked at Einstein's brain and it had a LOT more wrinkles than the other human brains they looked at. The evidence is overwhelming. Okay, not really. But their point is, dolphins have a lot of surface area so they could be smart.

To decide if they were smart, we "tested them." Would you like to know how? Just read this. Actually don't read it. I'll summarize. We were just ASSHOLES. 100% total complete mindless compassionless idiot ASS-HOLES. OH MY GOSH were we assholes. Like STUPID assholes. One thing that wasn't asshole, but was really stupid was when "scientists" wanted to see if Dolphins had a "sense of self." So they gave them a mirror. They concluded that because dolphins could see themselves and noticed it was them and looked at the mirror fin, then their own fin, they must be self-aware. Um...my cat does this. And idk how many wrinkles he has in his 7 month old brain but I'd bet the farm it's not as many as a dolphin. Like how is this self-awareness proof? Anyways, the "testing" is just ridiculously inane because it is so ...belittling. Like "dolphins must be dumb, they haven't thought of iPhones!" Are we really that unevolved? Yes. I am afraid so.

Just for a second, let's look at dolphin's social structure. Exactly. They have one. Have you noticed, ever, an angry dolphin? Even one being tested or in captivity doing hoop jumping for a living to achieve a disgusting non-live, non-earned fish? No. You haven't. You haven't noticed an angry dolphin because they are evolved. They figured it out. They don't NEED anything else. They don't NEED buildings or iPhones or presidents or clean water (okay well, actually, because of us, they do, but before us, they didn't ruin their own water or run out of it). You may have noticed an aggressive dolphin if you live near Cardigan Bay in the UK. Well, shit. I'd be aggressive too if someone else was screwing with my ecosystem and I couldn't imagine what in the world would cause them to do that...but that's just me. Dolphins, on the other hand, are just almost never aggressive.

Dolphins have been "proven" to:

Interpret language, syntax, and sign language

Creatively problem solve

Have a memory (I know, right??)

Not have any degree of ADD or ADHD (not even that one dolphin over there playing by the seals)

Be aware of themselves

Experience basic emotions

Engage themselves in some degree of abstract, conceptual thought

Choose their actions

Learn by observing

Understand the structure of their environment

Learn what works and what doesn't by solving problems

Create new solutions to problems with which they are presented

Recognize the difference between children and adults, tending to be more gentle and patient with children

(here's your reference, Virgos: http://understanddolphins.tripod.com/dolphinbrainandintelligence.html)

So, let's just take a look at that for a second. Interpret language...when was the last time you fully understood someone who was talking? Do you know sign language or can you win every "up" in a game of charades? (No, A-okay, hang ten, shazbot, peace signs, "the bird," and "Live Long & Prosper" don't count). Do you think most people understand what you mean the first time you say something?

I see. Dolphins 1, Humans 0.

Okay, how about memory? How good is yours? Where are your keys? Can you remember a behavior you did 10 years ago, its consequences, and choose to repeat or not repeat it? If you can, do you?

Ah. Alrighty, Dolphins 3, Humans 0.

How about direct awareness of ourselves? Look in a mirror. What do you see? How many of you made a judgement about your mirror you in your head? "I see my thighs, LORD I need to work out more. I see my hair, gosh, I need to get that colored. I see my hands, oh goodness, let me call that manicure place and make an appointment. OH GOD. My teeth! I have GOT to call on that Invisalign thingie." Guess what a dolphin sees/says to himself? "Yep. There I am. Fin in mirror? [looks down, wiggles fin] Yep. That's my fin!" So solely for awareness of ourselves, who is more accurate? And let's throw in, "who is happier?"

Okkkayyyy then. Dolphins 5, Humans 0.

Moving on, "Learn what works and what doesn't by solving problems." Hmmm. Let's see. 3 of my last 4 ex's had some sort of major psychological disorder. I was miserable with each of them once that disorder came through. After the first one, I knew the 'signs' and red flags of that disorder. After the second one I REALLY knew them. After the third...oh what was I talking about? Oh, right. Learn what works and what doesn't by solving problems. I didn't learn either, I did ZERO problem-solving (unless you count "what works" as do NOT argue with a Borderline Personality Disorder-ite, and try not to have an opinion either, I did learn that works!). I was miserable, and I did the thing which made me miserable two more times. And I'm not even counting previous ex's. Gracious.

Dolphins 6, Humans 0.

Understanding the structure of their environment? Can you tell me which streets are under construction or impassable? Probably. Can you tell me where that big pothole is on 1st street? Yep. If I throw a toy and point to where it is, can you find it (if you can see)? Likely. SWEET! GO HUMANS!

ADD, ADHD

Dolphins 7, Humans 0.

Dolphins 7. Humans 1!

I could go on. And on. But suffice it to say, Dolphins win by a landslide on the whole evolved thing.

If you don't believe me, or scientists' evidence, you can see for yourself. You can best determine the real truth just by hanging out with dolphins. Go ahead. Do it. Report back to me. (Note: but don't be a pesky ASSHOLE when you do, okay? Try, for the love of all things holy, to be respectful.)

I got the opportunity to swim with them at a Dolphin rescue in Hawaii once. The dolphins here were incapable of surviving in the wild for one reason or another. Little Kona had no teeth, that's why she was there. In this place, the dolphins resided in a lagoon. It was connected to the ocean, just not so the dolphins could get in and out. She showed me how they had a blocked off area of the lagoon so when the people were swimming in there with the dolphins, the dolphins could go into that area if they didn't feel like hanging out. I watched them every day, and saw every once in a while, one dolphin or two would retreat in there for a while. The trainer taught me a lot. She showed me how when I petted the dolphin, his belly turned pink, like he was blushing. And he smiled :) She explained that is how you know if they are extra happy, they're pinker and smilier. When I finally swam out with them, one of them came right up to me. He "brought" a ball with him and flipped it to me! I tossed it back to him, and we literally played catch! Obviously he sensed I was an athlete! He dove down and got some toy thing and brought it up to me. He just played with me. He was pink, and so was I. It was so simple, and so wonderful, I cannot tell you.

I went kayaking off the coast of Southern California a lot when I lived there. Every time, dolphins came up by my kayak. They would surround it, swim under it, around it, just lollygagging for no reason. They'd initially let me know they were there with a big POOF from their blowhole. FYI that is really loud when you're alone on a kayak about a half mile off shore! A mother and her baby (MAN IT WAS CUTE...like only a couple feet long!! I CANNOT EVEN) spent about 15 minutes with me one day just surfacing RIGHT by the kayak, then diving under it and popping up on the other side, with a sideways glance like "HA, cool, huh? Isn't my baby gorgeous?" I felt them talking to me. We laughed, and played, and they felt my sadness, and they'd smile and my sadness would just evaporate. I have never experienced such a wisdom filled, blissful, lighthearted state of mind like that in any other location or situation on earth. Children laughing, kittens, and puppies are a distant second. If I could tell you one thing in this life, it would be this:

Dolphins get it. They are evolved far beyond humans. They have feelings, and yet they know how to manage them, and they always come back to pink. They don't need money or houses or stuff. They have friends, they love, and they care about each other, and about us. They have great sex (really a LOT of pinkness if you haven't seen this mating occur). You know dolphins do not mate with one partner for life? They form very strong family and friendship and "pod" bonds that are loyal, lifelong, and like BFF's for life, then some of them have sex with multiple partners. They have different personalities and some mate more, others less. Dolphins have sex for fun, not just to reproduce, and some of them even have sex with the same gender. Yep. Dolphins are often bisexual.

Scientists say dolphins get jealous--that it's jealousy when male dolphins fight off other males to keep them from sleeping with the hot neighboring pod chicks. Sometimes males or a male will fight to keep another male from having sex with one single female. Placing jealousy on it is so scientist/human. Could it be, and I'm just throwin' this out there, that they are protecting the female because she is sick, hurt, or doesn't want to be gang-raped by some bad dudes? Did scientists check that possibility out? Probably not because they couldn't fathom (haha fathom) dolphins having a non-base emotion. They get injured and they do not make a big deal out of it. Scientists say they hide it so they don't appear weak, but I sense they just accept it as what is, and also they heal one another if one senses another is hurt. Dolphins always go to sick pod mates to help them. If one cannot surface for air, other dolphins will lift him up to the surface, forming a raft for him. There are videos of this on YouTube. I am not posting because it made me cry to see it--it is so sad and gorgeous.

If a person is hurt, dolphins with do the same with them. If sharks get near a person, dolphins will divert the sharks. If people are stranded at sea, dolphins will surround them and lead rescuers to them by splashing. The dolphin's sense of echolocation allows a dolphin to hear the heartbeat of a person far away, and they can understand by just the heartbeat when a person is helpless. In this moment, they act as they would do with a pod member, mate, or their child dolphin. Repeated observations have shown that dolphins usually approach pregnant women more gently, possibly because they "hear" the beating of two hearts.

Only two dolphin attacks on humans have been recorded. In both cases, the humans were stressing the dolphin. Dolphins show aggression when they are emotionally stressed, sick, hurt, starving, protecting their young, and sometimes when they are mating. How about that. So do we.

The only complete mystery about dolphin aggression is a trend that began in 2009 off the coast of Wales where they attack porpoises. There is no evidence to support why. Food wasn't very scarce, territory overlap was minimal, and one dolphin attacked, while three or four looked on and occasionally "helped." Further, only three dolphins under the age of 18 months died over the last few decades, indicating that the males do not (or extremely rarely) kill the babies in order to mate with the mothers as was previously thought. I would love to know what caused this dolphin to attack the porpoises. Or the others who have done the same.

I can only say that I have attacked too. (See Life Story up to 22). I bit a little girl in my preschool class because she moved my picture. I am like the nicest person? Why did I do that? Obviously some other stress was going on that day for me. It was out of character and a single event. Oh wait, no. I broke a girl's foot once in a soccer game. She had been kicking me, cutting me, and plowing me when the ref wasn't looking for 40 minutes. It was my first game without my best friend who had just died in a drunk driving accident. And finally, I lost it. This girl and I were going for the ball, we would likely arrive at it at the same time, so I decided to kick her foot instead of the ball--I knew the ref would think it was just a miss on my part, of course, he didn't know I never missed. It spun her around 360 degrees and she was taken away in an ambulance. I "walked it off" and finished the game. Turns out my foot was broken too and I didn't even know until I tried to get out of my car when I got home. I think we can surmise dolphins, if they have feelings, and they feel stress, might just get fed up sometimes...even the most evolved ones. They say in sports that the second guy always gets the penalty. Meaning that the one who "starts it" doesn't get caught, the one who retaliates does. I wonder if those dolphins who beat up the porpoises were the second guys?

Dolphins have an intelligence that we have de-evolved from. Theirs is harmonious. They focus on the present moment. The are loyal. They enjoy sex with whomever they are attracted to. They have BFF's for life. They work as a team always. They enjoy the heck out of life. They stay focused on this. They do not do any damage to their environment--they meet all their needs and leave it perfectly balanced. Their needs? They need food to survive, and beyond that, they play. They help one another instead of judging each other. They help humans and other species for no reason, with no reward. They heal us. They heal each other.

They turn pink.

Be yourself, unless you can be a dolphin. Then always be a dolphin.

#family #love #advice #friend #40s #energy #universe #save #naturesavesme #kindness #humanity #dolphins #evolve #bisexual #evolution