More Questions...

I have mixed feelings about questions. I think curiosity drives me. I think obsessive downward spiral questioning is incessant and futile. Perhaps I like curiosity and hate analysis? Can I learn (i.e. satiate curiosity) without analysis?

Of course. However, there is only one way. And it is daring and wild and most of us are too afraid to do it. I begin with myself, and I ask, and I sit still, and I open to the answers for me. I get really brutally honest about these answers for me, too. I don't let myself off the hook anymore. And then, I move over to you. But...

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Here's what does not work:

Questioning others thoughts motives actions feelings decisions choices changes words...inside my own head, without that person present. Sometimes, even with him or her present if they are, how to put this euphemistically...ummm, being cryptic while answering me? But how could they not be? Ah, the rub...I must begin by authentically answering you: fearless of disappointing you, causing distaste in you, of appearing disrespectful of you, of making you run from me or from the intensity, fearless of losing your approval.

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Will I offer this to you?

The truth remains. I don't know you. I do not know what you are thinking. I do not know what you want. And I lie to myself moment by moment (as each new bit of information enters my brain) about this. I lie not in a bold-faced sense but in a sense of simply making it up. That is the human condition: If you do not communicate something to me point blank, ideally in words, from your safest and most vulnerable place of truth, I can only guess if it is true for you. Sometimes experience may forge a hypothesis over a wild guess, but let's face it. I am guessing.

This is the kind of questioning that does not work--well actually, the questioning is fine, but the answers are "made up and the points don't matter!" (10 points to anyone who knows where I got that line).

So how can I know you?

I can know me.

I will never know you to the extent that I may know myself. And thus, I must know as much as I can about my spins, my beliefs, my assumptions, my reactions, my fears, my indignation, my integrity, my perceived faults, and my honest and true self. The degree to which I know myself is the degree to which I can know you...minus about 20%, since I am simply not you.

I choose to stop guessing.

I would like to know simple answers. I don't want context, I don't want analysis, I don't want if's, or but's.

Here, let me answer you first: Yes. One hundred times Yes! To the full moon, YES!

And, as I stop guessing, I am still. Whether you would share with me any shade of Yes, or No, still, I would like to know you.

And to know you, I want to ask a thousand questions of you, and I want to answer a thousand back. But I warn you, what I want to know will have consequences, for both of us, raising new unanswerable, ineffable questions.

And still, I would like to know...

I will answer all these for you. But not now. Only when I can be near you, and looking into your eyes (and okay, maybe the first time with a little wine so our answers perhaps flow a bit more openly--though to dull the first-hand gorgeousness of our answers, seems almost sacrilegious to me). And I will promise you: my answers will change ...perhaps often. I will answer all these for you again and again...and for myself, I will answer them too.

Will you answer these for you? Will you then answer them for me? Will you answer them while gazing into my eyes? And if you answer these with yes, and no, and yes again, into my eyes, can you help but make love to me in the midst of these open spaces? For I would venture to guess that I could not stop myself from making love to you in them. I would venture to guess that experiencing you answering any of these questions, mere feet away from me, would send me over the edge, whatever your answers may be. I would venture to guess that simply the sharing--the fact that you did answer, unabashedly, wildly, or freely--would draw me into your eyes, and my body would follow. I would venture to guess that you would be no more than two answers in, before I found myself kissing you, pulling you into me, and I do not have to guess if I would stop there.

And I find that with a soul I am exploring, it is that I know I cannot imagine what her answers would be. And I know I want to know all of them...one by one. I know I look forward to them changing, and to feeling off balance as they morph. And I do not wish to guess--I wish to hear them from her, I wish to see them in her, I wish to feel them welling up out of her. And I wish to live ecstatically in that space.

I will no longer live from a space of guessing. Yes, I therefore may never know, if you are too afraid to answer these questions. I would only now know those who are willing to fully explore. And the rest are no longer missed opportunities, they are choices where I honored my open nature and intensity, and others' choice not to be that way. I no longer abide by others who choose not to answer. I smile at them, I send them Light, and I walk onward down my path.

And I am ready to be exposed, and I am ready for the consequences of answering these questions for myself. That is me. And with that, I choose to experience this opening alongside another whose answers could send me over the exact edge I cling to. I want questions, I want them endlessly, and I choose them fearlessly!

Bring on the answers, the I don't know's, and the wondrousness of all of it!

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Would you be able to answer these? Would you be brave enough to share your answers? Would you be brave enough to ask someone theirs?

#questions #you #dare #real #senses #energy #kissme #40s #Now