Memoirs: The Game

Humans cheat only one thing.

Themselves.

You will read countless accounts of "cheating." They will tell you it is in a game, or involving money laundering, or embezzlement, or copyright infringement, or on their spouse.

It isn't any of these things.

Cheating only exists within the context of who we are. Or rather, how far we have gotten away from that: how many times we haven't made choices in our own best interest, how many times we haven't been authentic. How many times we played the game, and came up short.

What are our personal commitments to ourselves? Do they involve money, time, fulfillment? And to what extent? And how do our literal commitments interfere with our personal commitments? Do we choose to align them now? As we do, we may be called cheaters, liars, and worse, because others expect us to be the human who used to not act this way. You can't just walk away from a game in the middle of it. Any 5 year old will tell you that. They won't like our new balance. They will get their own choices--their own lives and illusions-- highlighted...in bright yellow.

It is only when these two commitments are at odds that we say someone is "cheating" and yet, they are not.

Unless, of course, they are still cheating themselves.

The gamer who cheats and wins money, was money his goal? Was that his only goal? Then he cheated nothing. He simply accomplished his goal. You may not like his goal, but you cannot argue with it being his. If you felt cheated by him, then where was your goal? What were you choosing? I am guessing to bury your head in the sand, like I have so often. Unless the gamer made up the rules, then they are not his. You only assumed he subscribed to yours. Now who's being unfair?

The CFO who embezzles--was his commitment to himself to find a way to make more money? Then he did not cheat himself. Did he commit to the company that he would make more money? Perhaps he did. Then he did not cheat the company. Did he commit to the company he would not take more of that for himself than they chose to give him? I doubt it. If he ever committed to take only what they gave him, and they didn't compensate him well, and he thought that cheated him, he was not cheating them, he was simply fairly accomplishing his goal. Humans only appear to be cheating depending on whose rules we are playing by.

If you ask them, they often will say, "it wasn't cheating to me." And they will list reasons why. Have you ever really listened? Maybe they have a point. And instead of accusing them, I invite you to understand what caused them to do it. It is rarely some blanket offense such as "greed." It is more likely a desperate need for something internal which they believed was denied them. And our feelings of being denied are deep as humans' capacity for any feelings.

We deny ourselves and our truths constantly in the name of righteousness. And when we do, we are playing the game. When we don't, we get up from the table and leave our game piece wherever it lay. Sorrryyyyy! If we live our truth first, then we don't have to play stupid games like Risk or Chutes & Ladders. I propose we start looking at balance, authenticity, and not allowing ourselves to get to a space of feeling cheated by life. Then we can take responsibility, make choices, and do what we need to do to honor ourselves. The further we get from this authenticity, the more we will see "cheating" and judge the heck out of it, furthering the downward spiral. And the more we will have to "cheat" our norms to get out of the 43 hour Monopoly game, and back to us.

When humans "cheat" in or out of the game from a pure and sincere space, they are actually doing this world a favor by balancing us.

Humans insist on emotionally spinning things into right and wrong. Who is to say? A long time friend of mine was cheating on her spouse. Oh I judged her. Mercilessly. To her face and behind her back. SHE WAS SO WRONG--LIKE AGAINST A 10 COMMANDMENT WRONG!

Later I learned that the spouse who was cheated on had slapped, abused, and mentally tortured her. Her fellow "cheater" had a spouse who had shut him out years ago and separated their sleeping arrangements, stonewalling him, because he couldn't give her children, and threatened him with financial ruin if he left. The two "cheaters" eventually divorced their abusive spouses, married, and lived a very happy and exciting life together.

They did not cheat. They balanced. They reversed someone stealing their autonomy. And I feel like an ass for having judged them...especially considering my choices since.

The Bible had some great stuff in it--really. I read it all the time. But most people are not willing to take personal responsibility so they just say, "Oh look! Here are 10 tidy rules amongst a bunch of long stories...I can manage these!" They don't look at context, or question their motives or their needs, or anything about themselves, they just follow rules set 2000+ years ago because they're set in stone (haha Good One, Alien ;) ). They use those rules ceterus paribus, and just seem to forget anything Jesus said later down the line. They use the rules as a defense and attack, they don't honor them within. Then, they know deep down they are avoiding the real deep stuff, so they surface judge others against rules those people may not even subscribe to. I am personally partial to the "don't kill" one and do think we could consider a "don't rape" and "don't take advantage of" one...but even the don't kill one has variables. If someone was going to kill your child and your only way to save your child was to kill the attacker, would you even think twice about doing so? I doubt it. And I wouldn't judge you for a second if you killed the attacker. If someone was going to rape or take advantage of someone who was defenseless, I'd defend the defenseless, to whatever degree necessary.

My point is, it's all circumstantial and it's all relative. Morality and having clear standards comes from within...from a space of truth...and it's not something you can define for all situations and all people. Of course there are those who would not look within, so folks in power felt they had to at least put something out there for these guys. Maybe the rules keep everyone from looking honestly at stuff. At themselves, at each other, and making decisions based on their own power instead of an invisible guy who will torutre you for eternity if you don't do what he says. Are humans that inept independently?

There are a million circumstances where in order to be true to one's self, one acts in ways which are against the norm...against many's views of "RIGHT."

I, for example, am an abomination to some. I have cheated my creator by having relationships with women and others with men...Always monogamous but kinda unpredictable on the "mating" front. I have cheated humanity's reproduction of humans because Inever had children! I have cheated their very GOD and SOURCE! I have gay friends who were traumatized and raped to "make them straight"...so they could stop being so WRONG.

I, and my friends, have not cheated ourselves. We have been true to who we are. And we stand strong in the face of judgement because that same God's book (written by people quite a few years later, mind you, and if you've ever played a game of Telephone, well, you can see how the messages may have gotten a bit skewed that far down the line) does later mention, "Judge not, lest ye be judged."

I say, "Judge not, because judging is stupid." You have no earthly CLUE what someone else is dealing with. And until you deal with it yourself, you will continue to have no earthly clue. So I have learned, that until I have been in the exact same situation, I will offer no advice unless asked, no judgment, nor approval. I will offer compassion, understanding, and love. And I will be present. And I will listen.

I will not cheat myself. I will maintain my integrity to the level that it is right to me--for me. I am sorry to report that I do not care what others judge me to be. They are usually right, and usually wrong, and often both, and neither...depending on whom you ask.

I will love the human who chooses for himself or herself. The ones who consciously think and choose in their lives. The ones who insist on being true to their own Light, even if they will shock others by suddenly doing so. I will love the human who fails miserably at taking care of her needs, leading her to "cheat" herself until she "cheats" someone else to begin anew. I will love the humans in general. I will let go of the word "mistakes," and I will love the process of becoming truly authentically earthling.

I end with wisdom by the singular and most noble Richard Bach.

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Live never to be ashamed if anything you do or say is published around the world -- even if what is published is not true.

~from Illusions

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(and they all are)

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What is cheating to you? What agreements have you made, then backed out of? Are you sorry you "cheated"? Is there a way to prevent cheating yourself? How important is perspective? How attached are you to judgment? Of yourself? Of others?

#advice #earth #humanity #kindness #love #lesbian #marriage #selflove #dreamstate #40s #Now