Unfailingly

Before,

I was happy and fresh and new

I saw more of the Light than I’d ever seen

in her eyes

And the stars

The infinite stars

They fell for us

unfailingly

Sacrificing their lives for every moment

of ours.

And why did we move from that?

The moments of love that could have been forever

hadn’t hatched from their cocoon

they weren’t able to fly so soon

and

I changed

in a way that no one who has everything she wants

should ever change

and she stopped changing

unfailingly

and what was ours moved

out of reach

and so did the stars

The desert, stretching out, seemingly endless

In my eyes

And then there was that one day

In her driveway

She tried to use her eyes

To send my soul back to the stars

Like she used to do...

And I turned to stare at the saguaro.

There are no stars in the middle of a desert day

indignantly

I drove away.

But something didn’t go away.

Now I was old, and knew

Spaces stayed empty...the stars were outside

But in me...ashes and sparks

Like a dying ember that hasn't yet lost its glow

even though I did,

as much as I possibly could.

And I took my bow of reason

and arrows of arrogance

and I shot them at the stars

but none fell for me.

Not one.

Not one again until

After,

I was resigned.

I’d let go of my ideas

I’d let go of my family

I’d let go of everything you and I ever stood for

I’d let go of the stars…

It was dark out.

The nights the moon was waxing

it was cloudy and raining.

And it was cold.

Bitterly cold.

And I knew nothing.

I had no bow, nor arrows.

I had an old flashlight with

waning batteries.

that was all…

And it seemed like forever, that night.

Then, there was the tiniest flicker

Like a spark ten miles down the beach

that you’re not sure you even saw

But it was a spark. It had to be.

Somewhere was a bonfire

And I started walking.

Ten miles is a long way in the dark

with no stars

and no moon

and no family

and no ideas to keep you company.

I got to where the spark was…

And you were there.

Sitting quietly, covered in a blanket

that was too flimsy, and too beige for you

And when the dream ended, the stars began shooting again

alive and electric, like they’d been holding it in

for just this moment

what was it for?

I just knew.

and I thought about being shattered

but there was my spark.

I looked into your eyes

and baby stars were there

a bit more distant to me...maybe shrouded by

the clouds of dust that burst forth when galaxies collide

but

they were there

Inside

You

Inside

Me

Lighting my way

reminding me of who I am

and what I stand for

and of the Beauty.

And I found my bow

but it has changed

It is fashioned of a deeper knowing now

and the arrows of gratitude.

They shoot true

though I do not shoot them at the stars

so they will fall

any more.

Those stars are my pathway

to Life.

They guide me past time

where there is no hurry

because each step on this path is the

Purest Beauty

I have ever seen.

I love them in the sky.

Now,

I see what permanence is.

I see that in this world whirled with change

there is no chaos here…

because I am always here

unfailingly

and True.

Even when I slammed my eyes shut

enclosed in some illusionist’s box

with knives slashing in at me

I couldn’t make it go away.

Your eyes light, sparkling with a million stars,

bringing me home

and each moment of this

is a lifetime

infinity in the smallest glance,

seeing you right in front of me

a lifetime away…

The distance is a mirage

that haunts me

And it feels like I’m swirling through space

laughing through light years

in the most magnificent joy the Universe

has ever seen.

And as much as I love

that the distance is illusory

I'd love holding you in my arms even more.

As,

I left the desert...I'd forgotten

A vision on the thousand mile road

away from her, I heard

a slow melody that wrapped me up in its world

I saw

a secluded fountain

and,

you were there

and

I pulled you to me

and we danced above the world outside.

Moving gently with the music,

only enough to know we were alive.

holding you

holding me

under the night sky

full of galaxies of heavenly bodies

sharing

that

song.

Like it must have always been

like the stars in our eyes

like you and I

moving

together

in this cosmic connection of

infinite

Love & Light.

#alien #poetry #SOULMATES #love #lesbian #30s